Copyright
March 2014, by Robert Barrow
______________________________
"Doctor,
we're so concerned about the obstacles encountered in having children, but we
really want a baby. Can you help
us?"
"Well, with
the latest statistics indicating that one out of every 68 or so children may be
autistic, I'm afraid I can't offer you much hope."
"There must
be something medical science can do."
"Of course,
medical science has given you the American Medical Association, and woe be to
anybody who tries to circumvent its standards in this country. But not to digress -- look, there is a very
significant chance that any child you produce during a few animalistic sessions
of intense fornication, even guided by the love you feel for one another, will
be autistic. Do you really want to
chance bringing an autistic child into the world? And the day will come when you both die, and
who will care for your child then? A
state institution with borderline recommendations, staffed by scary or
murderous caretakers?"
"Our
passing won't matter. We plan to have
several children, so there will be others to care for a child with that
diagnosis."
"Well,
that's right out of a storybook, but let me ask you this -- isn't it rather
selfish of you to automatically assume that your non-autistic children should
be delegated with the immense responsibility of drastically altering their
lives in order to care for a perpetually troubled family member intentionally
made by you both?"
"Oh doctor,
we may not even HAVE an autistic child."
"Maybe
not. And many of them can do very well
on their own with early treatment and care.
But the odds are increasingly not in your favor."
"What
causes autism, what can be done?"
"A world
full of smartie-pants researchers don't have the final answers, but they stress
genetics. Personally, I believe that
decades of poor nutrition, farm fields depleted of proper nutrients and scores
of chemicals introduced haphazardly into our lives and bodies probably have a
significant impact. If you accept that
humans have evolved due to conditions of necessity, who's to say that bizarre
man-made substances introduced into the environment of our own physicality
don't provide a relationship? We humans
are our own Petri dishes by virtue of our shotgun ingenuity."
"But we
want babies, there must be something. . ."
"You're not
listening..."
"We
are! But you make it sound so, so
bleak. I mean, to say this is all due to
chemicals and inadequate farm fields. . ."
"It might
be worse, actually. Sometimes I wonder
about all those UFO sightings and close encounters reported in the fifties,
sixties and seventies. I wonder whether
some force of which we have virtually no understanding could have affected some
portions of human population, resulting in gradual mental or physical
changes." Or maybe, as some scientists suggest, human DNA's box of surprises is reaching a plateau, and it's all downhill from here anyway."
"Doctor,
that's the craziest thing we've ever heard."
"Really? Well, your rampant desire to make babies in
the face of increasingly disastrous odds is the craziest thing I've ever
heard."
"But -- but
it's the natural thing!"
"Yes, it is
normal and natural to want to reproduce.
And mercury, lead, arsenic and rattlesnakes are also part of
nature. So, I guess the best I can do
today is say -- choose your poison."
"Well, this
is outrageous! We don't care what you
say, doc -- we're going to make lots of babies and we're starting at soon as we
get home!"
"(Sigh)
Undoubtedly with the assistance of erectile enhancement pills, topped off by
testosterone supplements which will probably kill you someday, and -- who
knows, perhaps cause genetic alterations affecting the distant future. Good luck."
"You know
what, doc? Sex just isn't much fun anymore."
"Not for
its offspring, no it isn't."
