Friday, April 4, 2014

Sledgehammer Justice

The continuing proliferation of drones and promises of thousands more in the near future should cause rational minds to sound the alarms.   The next time somebody calls up the local sheriff to report a UFO landing, chances are it could actually be somebody's expensive hobby, a government (at what level?) spy device, or a pizza delivery vehicle.  Whatever it is, it's bound to urinate you off.

That's why I'm publicly calling for sledgehammer manufacturers to dramatically step up production so every man, woman, transgendered either/or and child in the U.S. can deal with intruding drones appropriately.  Now, we're not talking about drones hovering or flying annoyingly high overhead -- and don't get me wrong, if we could reach them with a hammer we would.  On the contrary, let's focus our attention to drones invading our personal space, perhaps zooming  within reach or (my favorite scenario) landing in our yards through either intention or accident.  My advice?  Let's pass a law.  Got a drone?  Don't look for an insignia and don't strike up a conversation or photo-op with the damned thing, just take out a sledgehammer and beat the stuffing out of it.  Should any portion of your alien drone shatter into pieces, sweep 'em up, bag the fragments for the trash collector's next visit and be done with the affair, without guilt and pleased with yourself for making a difference.  Take it to a recycling center if necessary, portraying it as an old blender or banged-up freezer. But get rid of it!  Invasive drones, like visits from long lost relatives, tend to be as welcome as rotting fish of three days' vintage.  Oh -- and should anybody come knocking on the door about their lost drone, just make up a story about seeing a cat playing with and wandering off with something curiously larger than a catnip toy, or perhaps you can merely invoke a coyote pack which carried something or another into the wilderness.  The downside:  Like so many things, I'm afraid we'll need to turn to China for extra sledgehammers, as we do for parts for our military fighter aircraft.  If you can't trust the Chinese government, who can you trust?  We demand our sledgehammers and we want them now.

Fort Hood, Texas makes the news again.  Tragically, military personnel are still forbidden to carry guns on such installations, and again we witness the horror of "gun-free" zones.  Say what you will, this particular soldier was just a really bad guy, hazardous to all around him in the end.  Like it or not, life is not a Disney cartoon and our lives have become integrated with people of every ilk whose throbbing, unsteady brains can go murderously hair-trigger bonkers at a moment's notice.  As for the high-level (read:  Washington and the White House) folks who prefer to either ignore or make fancy hollow speeches about such tragedies, what are they going to do next -- call out Maj. Nidal Hasan and make him Fort Hood's consulting psychiatrist before he receives his well-deserved death penalty?  Looks like this cockroach isn't going anywhere for some time, so I wouldn't be surprised to find his psych talents propped up by Mr. Obama's buddies, the Muslim Brotherhood.  In the meantime, by all means let's continue doing what we do best -- drug the hell out of everybody with so much as an eye twitch, and then drug 'em some more as the drug industry invents even more crap for humans to swallow and then pee into public water supplies, where a host of medications combine to influence everybody's health and DNA futures.  If you're not crazy now, give it some time and you or your  kids' kids will be.  In the meantime, you need that gun more than you need a psychiatric consult.  Especially at Fort Hood.

You'd almost think climate change is mainstream media property.  Anyway, this weekend Showtime begins its TV series, "Years of Living Dangerously," propped up not only with scientists riding the c.c. train (we assume scientists from the other side will be valiantly excluded), but with actors and actresses to lend special credence to the affair.  The goal of inviting show folk such as Don Cheadle, Matt Damon, America Ferrera, Harrison Ford, Michael C. Hall, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Ian Somerhalder to participate in conjunction with a panel of scientists is apparently to entice young viewers into watching more it's-our-fault claptrap as famous thespian faces strive to invite vastly uninformed TV-addicted youth and blockheads into the fold.  We all agree that "climate change" exists every day, and sometimes the results are disastrous -- but to combine actors with scientists, all of whose minds are made up anyway, is just plain foolishness.  Who cares what some albeit intelligent member of the acting community has to say about climate change, probably zeroing in on unproven human-caused catastrophes?  Hey, stage-and-screen representatives spend their lives reading scripts, performing rehearsed actions, feigning sex and doing other things like trained seals -- why in hell are they experts just because they're famous?  I'll be anxiously awaiting a Showtime series allowing skeptical "climate change" scientists to have their say, undoubtedly joined by actors and actresses we've never heard of, to offer special credence.  Meanwhile, I'd prefer that Ian Somerhalder just sink his vampire fangs into the production staff's necks and be done with this affair.  Maybe Michael C. Hall's Dexter can help, too.

David Letterman announces his departure.  Since we're mentioning celebrities, Letterman states he's retiring his CBS-TV show next year.  My first thought was, aha, Jay Leno's next big chance. . .