Sunday, May 5, 2013

Calling All Robots!

I'm no groupie for the United Nations, though I must say I was mighty taken with those UFO postage stamps issued when Grenada's Sir Eric Gairy was. . .well, yes, he did eventually encounter serious personal trouble, but let bygones be bygones.  Then there was Kurt Waldheim's recorded message From The People Of Earth included on a spacecraft hurtled out into the cosmos. . .and then, some years later, his WW II Nazi connections came to light in the media.   Oopsie. But not to digress, it's just that the UN is so rocking with, um, interesting people, some who should be in prison, global thugs who come here, meet here and assist in draining the U.S. Treasury dry.  Or would that be the Fed that either drains or gets drained?  I get these things so confused anymore.  Anyway. . .

Last week, the UN voiced anxious concerns about the technological world's development of "killer robots," lethal machines endowed with the ability to make decisions on who and what to kill and destroy.  In other words, a military dream.  These robots, insist  -- some -- UN members, must never be allowed to roam the earth.

I believe killer robots will come forth, plenty of them, because technology tends to do its own thing, with careless disregard about what annoys the rest of the world.  Actually, the UN may have just assured its own demise, and I can't say I'm disappointed.  But how would this blessed event happen?  Two words:  Digital memory.

Every school kid should know by now that everything put out on the Internet lasts "forever," so it's no stretch to assume that mere decades from now, when killer robots angrily patrol the earth with an attitude akin to Gort   stoned on crack, today's news headlines will exist for robotic brains to recall and scan -- and I'm tellin' ya, when those robots read those articles about aborting their existence, their artificial calculating synapses are gonna snap.  That is, as they say on the TV and radio these days, they'll be pissed.  This information, having been digitally excavated and now high on the minds of killer robots across the planet, will cause entire robot fleets to join together and march, fly and burrow toward the United Nations building, all focused on one thought -- destroy.  Of course, we can charitably hope that all UN staff and occupants are allowed sufficient time to exit the premises, but one never knows the mind of killer robots taught to think for themselves.

Yet, there may be a silver lining here.  Just days after killer robot lasers and dematerialization beams (obviously invented and used routinely in the future) obliterate every trace of the UN, a new United Nations will be built in some banana republic and become so insignificant that even killer robots won't bother to seek them out for destruction.  Best of all, the UN won't be in the USA anymore to suck the country like vampire bats, as world terrorist sympathizers and criminals come and go, enjoying and demanding hospitality from the kindly and moronic who currently welcome and support this travesty.  No downsides here, so -- onward killer robots!

At least killer robots would know how to dispose of a terrorist's remains, which seems to be a dilemma for Massachusetts, what with The Older Brother's bullet-ridden / road kill carcass stinking up the state.  I suggest they conduct a good riddance ceremony and bury his ass in a pet cemetery, way, way lower in the ground than any of the other animals laid to rest there.  The guy was, after all, lower as a species than any animal lovingly placed in the ground.  Maybe bury him underneath somebody's departed pet pig (for obvious reasons).

Thank you, Barbara Bush for actually saying the words, no more Bushes for president.  We hope she was serious.  Now it's your turn, Bill Clinton, just say the words, and the words are not no more Bushes. . .

OBAMA IN WONDERLAND:  When it involves visiting other countries and blaming the USA for everything bad in the world, this president has become a caricature of himself.  He did it again, this time during his visit to Mexico, where he also attempted to make a case for the new immigration bill -- to Mexicans!  WTF?  U.S. military, national and local cemeteries are filled with people who tried to make the world a better place, and all this fraud can do is criticize our history and actions when he travels internationally, in between expensive vacations.  It's amazing that he could bring up the gun "problem," when his close buddy and AG Eric Holder was involved with the Fast and Furious gun disaster, and we don't mean the movie.  As an Independent voter once honored with a congressional recommendation to work with a Democratic Administration by a Democratic congressman, it pains me to suggest that I believe Mr. Obama would be far happier and relevant as president of Venezuela -- surely, another vacancy will occur one day soon, and I hear the weather is just great down there.  Oh -- and they don't care about Benghazi, so there won't be any indelicate questions asked.

GOOD MORRRRRRRRNING, SYRIA!  We’re the USA and we were in the neighborhood and decided to stop by, and noticed you look a bit untidy, so we want to. . . . . . . . .Well, at least the country’s name is easier to spell than some of them over there.  Oh yes, looks like we’re on our way, having considered everything – we hope – except troops to be found for boots on the ground.  The latest plan may be to take out Syrian air power and runways with missiles, and to arm and support the “rebels,” but there’s that always sticky little issue about determining who the rebels are – and how we can differentiate between good rebels and evil rebels who hate the United States.  Our government (hello Sen. McCain) seems to believe this can be done, but my question is – isn’t our ability to determine bad from good already all fudged up in Afghanistan, where supposed friends continue to turn their weapons on our military personnel in the name of Allah?  Al Qaeda is never far behind as we make our decisions, and you can bet they’ll be in the mix, masquerading as good guys.  Now that Israel is pressured as a side-effect, the USA seems destined for involvement.  President Obama will respond in some way, and then he’ll take another extravagant vacation (he needs to rest up before the Unaffordable Care Act kicks in with storm-surge force next year, likely confounding and angering even his closest clueless supporters).

GAY ATHLETES:  I realize this may be a juvenile or foolish observation, but as far as I’m concerned all sports are gay.  Good grief, just look at the attire or lack thereof and you needn’t explore further.  I don’t get the current “thing” about athletes coming out regarding their sexual identities because it’s nothing new.  In recent days I’ve heard several famous names in sports being thrown out there, but since we’re on the topic at the moment, I’ll throw in my two cents for an historical perspective and remind those in the media who obviously forgot or didn’t go back far enough – a football player named David Kopay not only (eventually) outed himself (maybe with “help,” I don’t remember), he also wrote a book about it.  Now you know.

NOT AN OBAMA FAN:  You probably heard about freshman Congressman Tom Cotton’s rather definitive opinion about the president’s performance a few days ago, offered on the House floor, but if not here’s the Arkansas Republican’s impression in his own words:

 I rise today to express grave doubts about the Obama Administration’s counter-terrorism policies and programs. Counterterrorism is often shrouded in secrecy, as it should be, so let us judge by the results. In barely four years in office, five jihadists have reached their targets in the United States under Barack Obama -- the Boston Marathon bomber, the underwear bomber, the Times Square Bomber, the Fort Hood shooter, and in my own state, the Little Rock recruiting office shooter. In the
over seven years after 9/11 under George W. Bush, how many terrorists reached their target in the United States?  Zero!  We need to ask, why is the Obama Administration failing in its mission to stop terrorism before it reaches its targets in the United States?”

Whew!  Were I the president, I’d much rather talk about gay athletes than this.  And then I'd hop aboard Air Force One and take a very costly vacation far, far away.