Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Taking Gary McKinnon for a Little Swim - Part 3

Seems there's a bit of discontent in Great Britain about an attempt to prevent alleged computer hacker Gary McKinnon from coming to the USA because of his Asperger's syndrome. Officials fear that if McKinnon's disorder can keep him on his own shores, then supposed Islamic terrorists hosted by the Brits and due to be extradited to the U.S. will also claim various illnesses to avoid the trip.

Frankly, England, feel free to keep the terrorists. Should they come here, we'll just read 'em Miranda rights, luxuriously bathe them in legalities and, before we know what hit us, they'll be made citizens with voting rights. Besides, I understand you've already, for some inconceivable reason, allowed Sharia Law to influence and tarnish parts of your homeland, setting aside British law, and because I really don't want that rather neolithic form of Islamic rule trumping my country's cherished Constitution, I insist -- keep the terrorists and love them as if they were yours. And they are.

But what about McKinnon, yes, what about McKinnon? Actually, I think we've more than enough trouble here currently, what with the worst environmental (oil) disaster in U.S. history occupying our efforts. The worse things get, there are fewer and fewer British Petroleum representatives with British accents speaking publicly here -- I suspect they're putting their native American spokesmen, who sound like the Marlboro Cigarette man, up front so's we won't think of England when we smell oil on our shoes, ankles or knees. In fact, after the CEO of BP made such a fool of himself with reckless comments, I should think that McKinnon's lawyer might ask that his client be kept in Great Britain strictly out of fear that Americans won't put up with his accent for a moment because of that CEO. I harbor no ill will toward the British at all --why would I? -- but you know how some people are.

The extremely bad news for McKinnon would arise if U.S. officials decide that we badly require a national diversion, right here and right now, to take our minds off not only corporate foul-ups, but government incompetence as well -- and, hoo boy, do we have plenty of the latter on our shores. Pack your bags, Gary, and stand by, is my advice. Nice to be needed and wanted, what?