7:00 a.m. White House medical personnel enter the President's bedroom to wake him after first holding a mirror under his nose to make sure he is still alive and breathing. During this daily morning exercise his wife, who once used her given first name but now insists on being addressed as Doctor First Lady (DFL), steps aside as the team performs a gentle wake-up maneuver (not to be confused with a WOKE procedure, which might necessarily refer to a gender change). DFL is not a medical doctor, yet does little to make this fact known when stepping out in public to attend political affairs.
7:30 a.m. Following toilet and shower activities the President is reminded numerous times to put on his pants, and once this chore is accomplished the rest of his clothes are applied.
7:45 a.m. The President and his wife have breakfast together, generally an uneventful occasion aside from DFL's need to cut his toast into animal figures before he will touch a morsel of anything on the plate. Donald Trump is on his mind.
8:00 a.m. The presidential couple take a brief walk outside on the White House grounds, far from gawking observers kept behind a barrier and fence. Several Secret Service agents walk nearby, but their abilities to protect the President remain in question because the current family German Shepherd, Ol' Woodrow, has bitten every agent's testicles off, leaving them pretty much neutral, if not merely neutered. Neither the President nor the Democrat Party seem to mind anywhere near as much as the Secret Service detail.
8:30 a.m. President Treasonette attends his daily meeting with green activists intent upon draining America of all traditional energy sources as soon as possible to avoid planetary calamity, public scam awareness and crucial loss of donations to the Democrat Party. The primary focus this week is to make Texas and Florida suffer, as neither is emasculated enough to allow a sufficient Federal power grab. He wishes he could paint Donald Trump green. A major point of concern is not only how to make Americans become used to less viable and vastly more expensive energy options, but how to make them embrace the concept joyfully and feel patriotic about the changes.
9:00 a.m. Nap time, following brief phone conversation with Chinese communists interested in buying property in Texas and Florida.
9:30 a.m. Mirror breath-check again, get him dressed, be sure President is wearing pants.
10:00 a.m. Meeting with DEI representatives of government, universities and corporations to discuss ways of blaming white people for the nation's problems, and striving to make sure that qualifications of the best and brightest have no place in hiring in America. The President and his administration believe the desire for excellence in the workplace is racist and must be curbed at any cost -- a fact reflected among his own hand-picked White House staff, which are not the definition of the brightest bulbs in the closet. He wonders why he couldn't have a smart staff like Trump had.
10:30 a.m. Members of the World Economic Forum and United Nations meet with President Treasonette to exert an extreme global influence on America, hoping to continue making the Constitution, Bill of Rights and Declaration of Independence merely relics of the past. The President wonders whether he actually has original copies of these stored in boxes next to his garaged car in Delaware. He envies Trump for storing his documents in the house, where rats couldn't chew them.
11:00 a.m. Lunch and nap time.
1:00 p.m. Mirror breath check, repeat as before, watch that he puts his pants on.
1:45 p.m. Meeting with economic advisors to determine whether ESG can be called something else because the people have caught on to its implications. He wonders what Trump would do.
2:45 p.m. Award ceremony for illegal immigrants who attacked police officers in NY City, appreciation for their efforts in combating police brutality. Afterwards, the President consults with staff briefly to see if arrangements can be made for immigration judges who process illegal immigrants under new legislation will nevertheless allow almost everybody to remain in the country forever (including relatives still in foreign countries). Democrats' desire to allow "anchor babies" full citizenship status must also be protected under Executive Order.
3:15 p.m. Attend presentation condemning Israel for daring to protect its people with weapons.
3:30 p.m. TV camera opportunity to blame the National Rifle Association for everything involving guns, knives, crazy people and auto accidents. The most corrupt among Democrat senators will fill the room to point accusatory fingers. They will also blame Trump for not doing things they actually did wrong, as usual.
4:00 p.m. President meets with unhappy parents whose children's unfortunate encounters with social media did not end well. President will issue an unconstitutional Executive Order to shut down the entire Internet because that is easier than encouraging parents to keep track of their children's activities instead of blaming the Web. He will wonder if Trump controls his own children's access to the Internet.
4:30 p.m. End of working day, followed by dinner, a little TV, a quick reading of pages from "Rules for Radicals" and then it's off to sleep for the night. When dreaming, he generally dreams of Trump and little else.
