The U.S. Air Force has a proud tradition defending the country, though I wasn't necessarily at the top of the heap myself when I enlisted in the sixties and screwed up in basic training enough to set me back for two agonizing weeks of repeating absurd rituals that made no sense at all. The training instructors seemed unwilling to accept the fact that I was only in the USAF because the wretched Vietnam military draft just about had me in its claws. Anyway, after medical tech school the Air Force and nation got 110 percent out of me in hospitals, so that was that. I saw some pretty crazy things whilst working in the military hospital atmosphere, and if I ever get around to rewriting and firming up an unpublished book manuscript I produced decades ago I'll lay out a chain of forgettable events designed to bore the reader to sleep.
However, few anecdotes about Air Force life and accomplishments can rival a serious consideration surfacing in the nineties to manufacture a "gay bomb." What was it? Apparently, it wasn't actually produced, but would have been a non-lethal weapon relying upon a spraying of sex pheromones intended to make enemy soldiers develop a sexual attraction to one another, thereby blowing military bearing and disciplined war efforts all to hell.
The ultimate conclusion after many studies indicated that such a bomb was unlikely to effect the desired results, and the whole project was shelved. At least, we think it was.
But I have more confidence in the idea than some, and I say to Secretary of War -- SOW?? of all things -- Pete Hegseth that he must remove the gay bomb idea from Air Force mothballs, perfect it with reckless abandon at all costs, and then use the weapon to make enemy military members all gay every time war erupts. Can't you just imagine how we could go into Venezuela, bomb the fascist dictator's currently available 200,000 active duty soldiers into utter and total gayness, and then simply walk in as the Venezuelan troops busy themselves with one another?
I'm sure Hegseth and members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and other examples of hand-picked manly men and maybe manly women are already constrained by a hesitancy to embrace anything remotely gay, but the beauty of the gay bomb is its use on the enemy, not on our troops. Well, unless some WANT to stand downwind from the explosion.
Obviously, the other advantage is clear: The gay bomb is not designed to make one trans in any way. If one is a heterosexual soldier turned temporarily homosexual, he won't simultaneously become transitioned to an opposite gender. No men claiming to be little girls or stuff like that. This will be a winner at the White House.
Talk about ingenuity! Maybe you remember the neutron bomb, engineered to kill people but leave structures totally intact. Wow, that was impressive enough -- but the gay bomb is the next step, where no lives will be lost and no buildings destroyed. Which is great because gay-bombed troops will need those buildings for brief but private romantic encounters. At least for a few hours, enemy troops will say thank you for bombing us, Secretary Hegseth, you've made our day. And. . .President Trump did say, did he not, that he wanted to stop the killing? With the gay bomb -- mission accomplished!
(If an administration headed up (supposedly) by one J. R. Biden could, with the able assistance of one A. J. Fauci, perpetrate upon the American people face masks that provided little to no protection against Covid -- as Americans were condemned merely for choosing not to wear them -- then the definition of impossible becomes murky. If an administration can lie to us, make us stay three or six feet away from one another in consultation with no scientific basis whatsoever, and close schools, businesses and outside basketball courts for months merely because its near-fascist manipulators wielded an assumed power to deny established constitutional rights, then surely there's a gay bomb somewhere in our future.)
