The Pain of Male Pregnancy

Like many of you, I found the California law professor questioned by a member of Congress this week regarding whether men can become pregnant quite disturbing.  Actually, I thought her quite the moron, exactly the sort of progressive lunatic I encountered occasionally in college and wished years later that I could have extracted with tweezers like the infectious brain-eating insects they are.

Where do these loons come up with this stuff?  Are they exposed to it in earlier school days, or on TV?

May I suggest Hollywood motion pictures?  Maybe the good professor, already on the road to obligatory progressive insanity, saw the movie, "Alien" and made the connection -- that yes, a man can carry a fetus.  No matter that the baby was a monster who delivered itself through a caesarean procedure self-administered a bit higher through dad's abdomen than "normal," but here indeed was a case of male pregnancy.  May we note, what's the difference among the woke college crowd whether male pregnancies be fictional or merely the stuff of elitist dreams?  Reality just isn't real enough among the enlightened anymore.

I think the reason schools and colleges are including tampon dispensers in boys' bathrooms now is so pregnant males can use them to stuff into the mouths of critics so they can't protest the absurdity of it all.

Perhaps the lunatic lady professor knows something we don't.  Me, I'm willing to eat a couple of eggs this week, assuming that once the eggs are "in" me, I may continue to carry them into pregnancy and eventual delivery.  As long as my pregnancy doesn't terminate like in that "Alien" movie, maybe I can tolerate it -- though the end point method is still up for discussion.  I wonder, do I need to swallow some disgusting manure or plant food with my eggs in order to fertilize them properly?   Just how is a male supposed to get pregnant in these new normal times anyway?

I don't know, maybe I'm too old to get pregnant from eating breakfast eggs, and perhaps I should consult an OB/GYN chicken doctor for an ultra-egg sound to determine my progress.  I guess I could consult the lunatic California college professor, or any one of thousands of clones just like her, who can walk me through this male pregnancy thing.  I can only imagine my pain and suffering in the months ahead as a pregnant man, but I'll try to be brave right up to hospital, midwife or kitchen delivery.  I'm not too worried about morning sickness, because that's already what I get when I try to watch ABC, CBS or NBC TV programs any a.m. of the week. 

All I can say is. ladies, you've no clue about the pain and misery involved when a man becomes pregnant.  Quick, get me a tampon!